Well.. It's been a month. A month of class. A month of living on my own. And a month of silence.
I originally thought that I was moving closer to campus to be closer to friends. (or to make new friends). I thought I wanted to be around people and be accepted by people and that that meant living on my own. Since moving to Sioux Center. I've realized that I spend a lot of time just being alone. Sitting in my apartment in the quiet. Doing nothing but homework. Oh, sometimes I will spend some time listening to music or watching TV, but even that is rare. I find that I spend so much time reading text books and studying and writing papers that I really don't have time for much else.
I've learned to appreciate the silence and can even say that I love when it's quiet. It gives me time to think. to question things. It also gives me time to listen.
I know - weird right - listen? Listen to what? Listen to the silence. I find that when its quiet and I'm just laying on the bed or sitting on the couch, I hear things. Not like I'm crazy and see people that aren't there - although sometimes I question that too. But I hear things like "You're beautiful the way you're created." "I love you." and "Don't forget about me."
I feel like for a long time I spent a lot of time ignoring those voices. The ones that remind me that I am a child of God and that I have a life in him. Yeah, life here is crazy. I've been through a lot. But I didn't take the time to listen, and realize that whatever I'm going through, God is right there. I just need to seek him out. Praise him in the storm, and listen in the silence. Because His voice is a silent roar, and a constant reminder that I am not alone.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
New Beginnings
Hey all,
So yesterday was the first day of class. I thought I was prepared - I found out otherwise. I felt like I was running around and had no idea what I was doing. It was like freshman year all over again. (this ridiculous cold does not help)
I had two classes yesterday and both of them are Social Work Classes. They are in the afternoon which is nice because I can sleep in if I want to - but I haven't really been doing that! I have 3 classes today. Two of them are generals and the other is a night class. I'm kind of nervous about the night class. I think it'll be tough to stay on top of.
But as nervous as I was/am about starting a new semester. I am really excited about it! This new semester brings with it a lot of new changes. I moved to campus housing and have my own apartment! It's really spacious and I love that I have a lot of space and can do what I want with it!
This semester also brings another change. Friends are returning and I'm seeing more and more familiar faces -which is awesome! It's great that my friends can be gone for 9 months and when they're back it's like they never left!
That said. I think the biggest thing that is changing in my life - is my faith. Never have a felt closer to God. To me this is the most exciting thing. I always 'believed' in God. But I never knew what that meant. I had all the text book answers and could probably defend my faith just as well as the next guy. However, that faith was never really mine. To me being a Christian was going to church- twice, arguing if someone didn't agree with you, and living the 'right way'. Now I'm beginning to realize that I need to take the faith that I have been taught and make it my own.
Faith isn't an abstract. It is real. It is here. God isn't someone far away (even though there are times where I might believe that or it may feel like He is nowhere near me.) God isn't just walking beside me holding my hand. No - God is IN me. Isn't that an amazing thought! God is someone who is closer than a brother (and sometimes I don't think that's possible either - I love my brothers :) )
This past week I have seen God work a lot in my life - and in my heart. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. There are a lot of things I'm not proud of. However, just on Sunday we heard in the sermon that while the true believer is going to sin - only they will actually feel guilt and sorrow. Hearing that was such a relief to me. It was something that I needed to hear and it was followed with - But we have hope. He have a hope that is so sure that it's not even really a hope but a blessing. Christ WILL come again, and Christ will be with me until then.
That's all for now - oh and Mom and Dad I know this will make you cry... but I want you to know that I LOVE YOU and thanks for everything :)
So yesterday was the first day of class. I thought I was prepared - I found out otherwise. I felt like I was running around and had no idea what I was doing. It was like freshman year all over again. (this ridiculous cold does not help)
I had two classes yesterday and both of them are Social Work Classes. They are in the afternoon which is nice because I can sleep in if I want to - but I haven't really been doing that! I have 3 classes today. Two of them are generals and the other is a night class. I'm kind of nervous about the night class. I think it'll be tough to stay on top of.
But as nervous as I was/am about starting a new semester. I am really excited about it! This new semester brings with it a lot of new changes. I moved to campus housing and have my own apartment! It's really spacious and I love that I have a lot of space and can do what I want with it!
This semester also brings another change. Friends are returning and I'm seeing more and more familiar faces -which is awesome! It's great that my friends can be gone for 9 months and when they're back it's like they never left!
That said. I think the biggest thing that is changing in my life - is my faith. Never have a felt closer to God. To me this is the most exciting thing. I always 'believed' in God. But I never knew what that meant. I had all the text book answers and could probably defend my faith just as well as the next guy. However, that faith was never really mine. To me being a Christian was going to church- twice, arguing if someone didn't agree with you, and living the 'right way'. Now I'm beginning to realize that I need to take the faith that I have been taught and make it my own.
Faith isn't an abstract. It is real. It is here. God isn't someone far away (even though there are times where I might believe that or it may feel like He is nowhere near me.) God isn't just walking beside me holding my hand. No - God is IN me. Isn't that an amazing thought! God is someone who is closer than a brother (and sometimes I don't think that's possible either - I love my brothers :) )
This past week I have seen God work a lot in my life - and in my heart. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. There are a lot of things I'm not proud of. However, just on Sunday we heard in the sermon that while the true believer is going to sin - only they will actually feel guilt and sorrow. Hearing that was such a relief to me. It was something that I needed to hear and it was followed with - But we have hope. He have a hope that is so sure that it's not even really a hope but a blessing. Christ WILL come again, and Christ will be with me until then.
That's all for now - oh and Mom and Dad I know this will make you cry... but I want you to know that I LOVE YOU and thanks for everything :)
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